whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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