I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
