Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize