I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
