Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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