He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
