Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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