Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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