If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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