glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
