I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
