Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
