I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
