whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
