she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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