Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
