I accidentally burped into my bong.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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