Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
