We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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