Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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