I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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