Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
