wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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