My nipple is on Facebook.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
