I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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