What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
