Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
