I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
