fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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