Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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