If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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