why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
