I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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