..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
