Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize