Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
