Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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