she was so not down for the gang bang
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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