At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
