I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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