i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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