Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
