I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
