Pappa wants mamma naked
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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