Whatcha textin bout Willis?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
