You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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