Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
