I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
