Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize