My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she smelled like a LAN party
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
