When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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