haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
