I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
