I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
