Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
