The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
