You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
