Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
