I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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