she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
