shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize