i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
