Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
