heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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