Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
