Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
