Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
