I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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