so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
