sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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