i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize