you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
