Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
