he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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