he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
