And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You have to summon your inner elephant
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
